6 things NOT to call the police for

Asking for directions, calling to complain about water dripping from clothes hung out to dry, or just keeping silent on the phone are amongst some of the reasons people call the police for. At least according to the Straits Times (http://www.straitstimes.com/breaking-news/singapore/story/got-laundry-issues-dont-call-999-20130908)

As a public service, us at FSaaM show you a bunch of reasons NOT to call the police for.

1. When you’re feeling sad and lonely.

They’re the police. Not the Social Development Network. You would have more luck with this place: www.lunchactually.com (and no you may not date their CEO)


2. When your neighbour hangs their clothes above yours and laundry juice drip on your clothes

Firstly, it’s really just water, not acid. We suggest you boil a big pot of curry and use it to make peace with Mdm. Tan.

If that doesn’t work, then curry her laundry.



Curry: Saving neighbourhood problems since 1911


3. When you are lost on the roads

Unless you want directions to Changi Prison, don’t call the police for this.


4. When you can’t get the McDonald’s Hello Kitty and Minion toys

What are you expecting the police to do? Catch Ronald McDonald issit?


5. When your boyfriend cheats on you

Seriously? Maybe the police should put YOU in jail for love in the first degree.


6. When your children misbehave

I know the old pple say “If you don’t behave, the policeman will catch you ah…” but you DON’T. HAVE. TO. TAKE. IT. LITERALLY. It is YOUR responsibility to make sure your child doesn’t grow up to be the antichrist!


nyak, nyak, nyak, nyak, nyak

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I am a satirical writer. I offend. And I urge you not to take me too seriously.

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