Life cycle of a western male expat in singapore

Class, the tables you see below illustrates the typical experience of a western, male expat in Singapore. How accurate do you think this is?

(And no, it is not drawn to scale – so don’t go OCD on the graph please)

 

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[1 month, happiness factor 40] FOB and excited about life. New city, new food, new digs, new women! Phwoar everything is so exciting and fresh. Summer everyday! Moving here was the best decision I ever made!

 

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[3 months, happiness factor 55] Yellow fever. Holy F%&* the women here are gorgeous, so much easier to approach than back home.

And they all appear to love me!

I am clearly a sex god.

 

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[6 months, happinesss factor 67] Finds wolf pack. Today me Scotty, Quarters and Johnno went wakeboarding. For the equivalent of 40 euros! I friggin love this country!

 

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[8 months, happiness factor 50] First bout of homesickness. If I eat another bowl of greasy noodles I might be sick. I paid $20 for a beer today. Wish I was back home in the pub.

 

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[9 months, happiness factor 80] First Asian Girlfriend. Wow. I can’t believe I landed an 8. Everywhere we go people stare. I’m not sure if it’s because she’s so hot, or because I’m punching above my weight. Screw it, I’m the one who gets to curl up with her.

 

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[10 months, happiness factor 25] First Asian Girlfriend Breakup. Aka – tough lessons to the meaning of the word “SPG”.

 

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[12 months, happiness factor 20] The appeal starts to wane. Four local guys jumped me in a club, something about me dancing “inappropriately” with their chick. I got a black eye. My first ever fight. Girlfriend #3 cooked me chicken soup. And then asked me for a Balenciaga bag.

 

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[18 months, happiness factor 10] Fight went public. Learnt how scary Stomp can be.

 

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[20 months, happiness factor 50] Re-discovered a childhood drink from my home town!

 

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[29 months, happiness factor 75] Parents come to visit. Mum and Dad loved it here! Must restrain them from the chilli crab.

 

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[36 months, happiness factor 75] Moving on to Australia. New city, new food, new digs, new women! Phwoar everything is so exciting and fresh. Summer everyday! Moving here was the best decision I ever made!

 

 

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madmonk

I am a satirical writer. I offend. And I urge you not to take me too seriously.

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