‘Twas the night before Christmas, Santa checked his email,
In his inbox, was a message RE: “Santa, We Gonna Bail”
The contents, to Santa’s horror, was the following:
“Dear Santa, get some other elves to do your thing,
you pay us too low, our salaries don’t grow,
we have wages too far below.
so we’re gonna go, even the reindeers agree so,
Goodbye, and enjoy the snow.”
~ Chief Elf and Union Leader, Bilbo.
In a huff and a puff, Santa picked up his phone
WhatsApped the chief elf and stifled a moan.
“What’s the meaning of this strike, what am I to do?
I don’t negotiate with terrorists – trust me, I’ll sue!
You sneaky lil’ $£@!%, I’m gonna make snowflake outta you.
But um… can we talk please, can we start over, good as new?”
Almost instantly, the elves replied,
with a link to a video message, streamed thru their website.
Everyone was on it, the entire Santa clan
the reindeers, the elves, and even his pet snowman.
They sang: “we unionised together, to help one another,
To urge you to consider, giving us a better offer.
More Christmas pies for everyone, or more days off to have fun
Less hours in a work day, or less chores for everyone.
Increase our wages or increase our force,
Issue free snow mobiles, free winter stockings, or free dental floss.
Don’t call this a strike,
It’s merely negotiation,
We can’t really stop working,
Cause without Christmas, kids will be crying,
Show us some love and back we’ll be coming!”
Santa sighed “wah-lau-eh” and looked around the house.
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The presents needed wrapping, the chimneys needed cleaning,
Letters needed answering, his coffee needed brewing…
Stockings need their stuffing and his beard needed trimming.
and as he held his hand up to wipe away his tear,
he realized just how amazing his helpers were.
So Santa got on his Facebook and wrote a post to set things right.
“My people, you have negotiated well and right.
You’ve made me see my lack of foresight.
From now I will share my wealth with all my might.
I agree to some terms, come back to my side.
Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night.”
‘Twas the night before Christmas,
The world went about its business.
Snug and warm in our beds,
Dreaming of a perfect world in our head,
Unaware of an epic battle such as this,
How we were this close to giving Christmas a miss,
Untouched by Santa’s troubles that solely remain his.
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