Seven Things I Want To Tell My Taxi Driver (But Don’t Dare. Scared Kena Scolding)
Uncle, you get me safely home in air-conditioned comfort, but sometimes, ah, you drive me insane. Here are the top things I want I’d like to you.
1. Social graces. Get some.
Toenail clipping, nose-digging and cleaning your ear with your extra-long pinky fingernail are among the array bodily functions that should not happen inside a taxi. Burping and farting happen to the best of us, so just wind down the window. But could you hold back on the exaggerated belch? It’s not a frat house.
2. Driving in the rain is perfectly safe.
Millions of people all around the world can’t be wrong. Which leads me to point 3…
3. People need more taxis when it rains.
Not less, so please. This is not the time to go have kopi!
(because this is how it feels like when trying to get a taxi when it rains…or in peak hour)
4. Can we play the silent game?
I’ve had a long day and this commute is my only quiet time. I don’t want to hear you complain about the gah-men right now.
5. It is YOUR responsibility to have change.
And not mine to have change for you. Here’s an idea: When you notice you’re running low on ten dollar notes, GO GET SOME MORE. Don’t rip into me because I just got a $50 from the ATM to make sure I have enough to pay you. Or worse, suggest I pay by NETS because you don’t have change. I ain’t paying 10% for your inability to plan ahead.
(…he’s one person who has change…)
6. It is also YOUR responsibility to know the best route.
Er, isn’t driving around Singapore your job? Don’t make me micromanage you, just get me there please!
7. If you’re changing shift in Tuas, JUST GO TO TUAS.
Don’t cruise around “screening” passengers to find one glowing superperson who’s going next-door to your destination. Talking to you about where exactly you want to go is wasting my time while empty taxis driving past.
But apart from all that, we actually love our taxi drivers. When you’re tired and waiting out there on the roads, the soft-blue light of a taxi mast makes me feel sooooo warm and fuzzy inside. Plus most of our taxi uncles are really nice people! They work hard for their families, they make an honourable salary and working in a semi self-employed mode, they have to make do without CPF or progressive wages, they have to put in the extra effort to bring bread to the table.