It starts with just hanging out at café called “Chye Seng Huat”. And after that he starts ordering coffees named “venti, triple-shot, cinnamon dolche nitrus oxide whipped latte machiacto”. Next thing you know, your friend has turned hipster.
Know the warning signs. Save your friend.
1. He suddenly talks about wanting to work in advertising, design or any creative field
(In the advertising industry, this is known as “brainstorming”)
2. He complains how nobody at his office “gets it”
3. He starts wearing leather brogues with no socks. Ankles are the new erogenous zone
4. He turns up in an asymmetrical hairstyle
5. He suddenly says things like “Oh, I liked [insert any band that have achieved any measure of success or fame] long before they were cool.”
6. He tells you that he’s really into [unknown band 1] and [unknown band 2]. And it’s a shame you probably haven’t heard of them
7. He’ll gladly pay $7 for a venti, triple-shot, cinnamon dolche nitrus oxide whipped latte machiacto. And make a show of saying what a relief it is to have “decent coffee”
(Triple-shot mocha feline creme laced cafechino, with fat free milk)
8. He now only drinks at artisanal cocktail bars that charge $30 for a drink with an ironic name and doesn’t taste as good as a vodka tonic
(This drink is called the Antarctic Red Barf)
9. If he’s ordering a beer, it has to be artisanal and has an ironic name like “PIS&S” or “The Dog’s Bollocks”.
10. He starts growing a ridiculous Salvador Dali-esque moustache
11. He starts talking about Laneway like it’s Woodstock. “Yeah, I was at the first Laneway. Oh you too?”
12. Regardless of his eyesight, he’ll start wearing large thick black plastic spectacles. The bigger and thicker the better.
If you see these signs, innoculate yourself. Hipster-omania is contagious.
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