Return of The Gorblok – Part 1

 

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away …

 

There was a Gorblok. The Force of Anyhowly Bar Graphs was strong in this one. He returned to his home planet of Hong Lim Park in an attempt to rescue Singaporeans from the clutches of the vile CPF system, helmed by Ang Pau the Huat.

Little does the Gorblok know that the GAHMEN EMPIRE has not-so-secretly been busy attending to other things even more important than the Gorblok’s first, dreadful “Return My CPF” protest, such as macroeconomic policy, the Merlion’s gag reflex and the fireworks selection for NDP 2015.

When the Gorblok’s “general protest” is completed, this damn kuku move will spell certain self-pwnage for the small band of protesters struggling to restore what little credibility they had to begin with…

You know, when I first read the article with the headline “Roy Ngerng And Gang Heckle Special Needs Children From YMCA,” I thought my editor had decided to include pure satire. I was totally going to text him: “Eh, y’all doing pure satire now ah? Bojio leh!”

jio

The jio is strong in this one…

I mean, how could that not be pure satire, right?

…. Right?

Wrong!

To my unadulterated horror, after an Internet Messaging conversation with my editor, I discovered that it had actually happened, and was not, as I originally thought, satire a la The Onion.

For those of you who have no idea what the (most recent) fuss about Roy Ngerng and Han Hui Hui at Hong Lim Park was about, this is what happened.

Not content with asking Singaporeans for $5,300 a month to pay Roy as “Singapore’s first full-time NMP,” Ngerng and Hui decided to hold a “general protest” at Hong Lim Park on Saturday, apparently “frightening participants and heckling small children in the process,according to Channel NewsAsia. They also probably gave a beleaguered NParks director what I suspect is his worst headache of 2014, thanks to the shrill and strident ownself-martyr-baiting he took from Hui with astounding patience. (You can watch the carnage here.) Someone give that guy a medal or a beer or a medal with beer in it, please.

scary-clown

Scaring kids and it isn’t even Halloween yet…

Oh gods of all that is sweet and pleasant on this earth, what have the people of Singapore done to you to deserve the train wreck that is Ngerng/Hui? Yes, they have conglomerated as one entity, because stupidity and plain douchiness on such similar, astronomical levels can only mean they are part of a hive mind and an elaborate prank by aliens.

Twisting facts about the CPF to suit one’s agenda and rally public sentiment for whatever means, self-serving or otherwise, is bad enough. Asking people to pay Ngerng $5,300 a month so that he can continue to yell at the Gahmen in Hong Lim Park and write logically unsound and disingenuous articles is even worse.

Disrupting an event held by the YMCA and yelling your slogans while there are kids onstage? Even if they weren’t special needs children, that’s beyond gutter politics. Actually, calling it gutter politics would be an insult to gutter politics. At least that involves some semblance of strategy and intelligence for its execution. Whether the protesters were intentionally heckling those children or not, the fact is that they disrupted and ruined the event for those children.

YMCA

YMCA: Actual exhibit of PAP propaganda

And for those Ngerng apologists who claim that the children weren’t affected by the yelling and heckling…

Are you kidding, or are you just mind-bogglingly stupid?

Here’s an idea: let’s put you on stage and get you to sing and dance for a crowd of strangers, then introduce a group of angry folks yelling and waving placards in your direction. Let’s see how damn comfortable you feel at that point. And then multiply that by as many times as you like, because that would be much scarier to a child. Even if you are an adult and a trained performer, this kind of disruption is distracting and unnerving.

The stupidity gets worse. A lot worse. I had to watch the video of Hui shrieking at the NParks director and rewind liberally, and I have to say, that woman sounds like an irate hamster who’s had its tonsils removed forcibly. Wait, could that be why she’s so angry about EVERYTHING, ALL THE TIME? Tonsil removal surgery gone horribly wrong? Note to self: add yet another item to my list of email interview questions which NgerngHui will never answer.

nails-chalkboard

This is how Han Hui Hui sounds like

In the video, she’s very obviously trying to pick a fight so that NgerngHui and company can find yet another reason to position themselves out as martyrs destined to save Singapore. The saddest part is, after repeated explanations from the NParks director (we’ll call him NPUncle, because he has an uncle vibe) that they were perfectly free to use the other lawn, Hui declined the use of the other field and insisted that they set up their equipment at the area being used by YMCA. I’m going to be very magnanimous and give her the benefit of the doubt: I will assume that she declined the offer of the other lawn not out of stupidity only seen in the village idiot in a zombie horde, but some wily strategic move to garner sympathy when the video went live.

That worked out so well for them, didn’t it?

Stupidity progresses to absolutely batshit crazy on a whole new level as Hui interrogates NPUncle:

“Then why can they stay there? Is it because Teo Ser Luck is coming? It’s because the PAP minister is here, right? So you’re biased towards the PAP, right? ARE YOU WORKING FOR THE PAP?”

Wait, what? Is she accusing NPUncle of being … I don’t know, a PAP plant in NParks? (Pun intended.) A mole? A sleeper agent in NParks, ready to execute an evil genius plan of party indoctrination via carefully selected roadside shrubbery with magical brainwashing powers?

ARGHHHH SO MUCH STUPID I CAN’T TAKE IT ANY MORE PLEASE NOOOOOOOOO.

 

 

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About the author

Samantha De Silva

Samantha De Silva develops and conducts courses in communication skills and also run writing workshops and mentorships. When she’s not doing this, she creates content, copy-edit and proofread for corporate, academic and creative projects. She also works on fun things like script analysis, writing for film and fiction projects and has been a contributing writer and voice talent on the satirical podcast, the mrbrown show, since 2008.

Samantha also blogs at: http://samanthadesilva.com

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