M. Ravi to contest for next GE, and he just might win

If you’re a bookie, we suggest you better be careful of this one – we think he may just topple Lee Hsien Loong and win Ang Mo Kio GRC. Here’s why:


  • He chose to run in PM Lee’s constituency because a quarter of his relatives are living there

true story


  • He plans to make learning of Malay, English, Mandarin and Tamil compulsory in schools. We are confident he’ll win the support of parents and students.



  • He has set aside $1m to spend on his campaign. He must have saved hard being a pro-bono lawyer



  • He has already dissociated himself from Roy Ngerng, when Roy published an article that name-dropped him




  • He intends to be the next Prime Minister



  • He thinks the Workers Party Low Thia Khiang and Sylvia Lim are “cow dung”. Maybe he’ll actually dare to speak against popular opinion in Parliament



  • He knows that there are vampires living in New York’s Empire State Building


(They exist folks. They’re Real.)


  • He was from a generation of Samurais and once challenged Lee Kuan Yew to a fight



  • His buddies from a secret society called “Jalan Kayu 369” will ensure he’ll win


(Maybe they live here!)


  • His wisdom tells us that “Hot is cold, cold is hot, Yin is Yang, and I look young – that is why Hallelujah and Praise the Lord”




#TrueStory, sources below:


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I am a satirical writer. I offend. And I urge you not to take me too seriously.

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