(Satire) Angry letter to Wild Life Reserves

Dear Wild Life Reserves,

We would like to express our deep disappointment over the unethical treatment of pandas at the zoo.

Singapore is an advanced and prosperous nation. We boast a highly-educated, literate and resilient population. So why are we allowing the degrading treatment of pandas on Singapore soil?

This is a degradation of the moral fabric of our society. On top of all that, Jia Jia and Kai Kai should have been treated in a manner consistent with the promotion of a panda’s sense of dignity and worth, which reinforces fundamental animal rights.

It flouts every rule against panda rights namely:

The right to family life

Shouldn’t the position of child bearing be the prerogative of the female panda? By all means and purposes this is considered sexual assault – who is going to look after the baby panda when it comes into this world? Who will send it to school, provide care when sick and send it for enrichment courses? Have you ever considered if Kai Kai is ready for this role as a father?

 

Labour exploitation

The pandas are hired as Entertainment Artistes, but asking them to perform sexual acts live to the world is not and should never be part of their job description. Where are the Panda Unions in this? On top of this, the wages are pathetically low. Just a few bushels of bamboo a week and they think that they have the right to forcefully throw the pair into a relationship? Foist a child upon them? Top performing pandas around the world get bamboo AND a Ferrari. On top of that, the Orang Utans seem to be getting a better remuneration package – this income inequality will force the entire Zoo environment to be thrown into labour erosion. More harm will come out of this than good.

 

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Right to sexual identity

If the pandas took such a long time to “get in the act”, hasn’t it occurred to you that perhaps they may be homosexual? Why are we infringing on their rights to choose a sexual identity? Just forcing them to have children will not solve the deep, innate desires to be with the partner of their choice. One of the partners is just going to grow up frustrated, angry and wonder why he/she works day-in, day-out only to be in a relationship that was never wanted. The child will grow up delinquent, drop out from school and perhaps even thrown into a life of drugs and drink. Wild Life Reserves – do you really want to see that happen?

 

Rising price of panda housing

Panda housing has been on the increase and is not about to get cheaper. Just to house the two pandas alone cost S$8.6m – and with poor wages provided by the Wild Life Reserves, how are they going to afford upgrading their apartment for the young ones? Does the Zoo even know that baby pandas need space to roam around in, to play, to sing, to dance…to have a scalable, loving, caring environment for healthy growth?

 

Right of nationality

The children will be born into a world of ambiguous nationality – if both parents are mere S-Pass holders and originally of Chinese origin, then what will be the status of their children? Have you considered these things Wild Life Reserves? The child will be geographically confused and have identity problems from birth!

In all, we should be teaching the pandas abstinence. Abstinence is the solution to all their problems: there will be no fear of STDs, unwanted pregnancies, rising cost of parenthood and no weeping in the dark after a breakup.

Wild Life Reserves needs to acknowledge the rights of animals. Their actions are worrying and represent a backsliding of our society. We call on the government to act swiftly.

 

Angrily,

Chen Xiong Mao

 

 

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madmonk

I am a satirical writer. I offend. And I urge you not to take me too seriously.

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