HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!!

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Mothers’ Day: The day where we celebrate how long-suffering and capable of patience women are. The day when we bratlings finally show some intentional appreciation to the women who give their lives to us.

In recognition and appreciation of these amazing beings, here’re 10 reasons why mommas are da awesum.

 

1.         You Were A Parasite For Nine Months But She Celebrated Your Existence Anyway.

Backaches, morning sickness and fluctuating hormones became the norm for nine months. For nine months, you sucked the nutrition she needs out of her. For nine months, she lost that hot figure she worked so hard to achieve. For nine months, she felt incredibly fat, blotchy and bloated. For nine months, she carried a heavy weight on her with no hope of letting that weight go.

She was your host and you were something like a parasite. There was absolutely no benefit on her part to you being in her.

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She felt weak. She felt unattractive. She felt unentirely herself.

And guess what?

She loved you. She loved every moment of it. She valued you. She anticipated you. She treasured you. She protected you.

 

2.         Have You Tried Squeezing A Human Out Of Any Orifice In Your Body?

Apart from the epic bricks we virginal beings have shat while watching Japanese and Thailand horror movies, I’m pretty sure most of us have not gone through childbirth. It is a given that roughly half of the population of Singapore will most definitely not go through it as well.

Alright. Look at your ear-hole in the mirror. Take a jackfruit, place it next to your ear and look into the mirror again.

To further aid your imagination, here is a scientific diagram of an ear-hole.

 

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Here is a photo of an angry man next to a jackfruit.

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Now, imagine forcefully ejecting the jackfruit out of your ear-hole. That is how a pregnant woman in labour do.

Also, kegel exercises many months after that. Kegels. And your mom doesn’t blame you for it.

 

3.         Have You Tried Generating Nourishing Fluids From Your Body, Tried Feeding Your Offspring And Had The Media Shame You For Something Perfectly Normal?

Here, we have Exhibit A: A woman feeding her child. Studies have shown that babies feeding on a natural food source is an entirely alien and terrifying concept unbefitting of children.

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4.         They Are Multi-Vocational.

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That’s not including CPF contribution.

 

5.         Nothing Like The Taste Of Home-Cooked Food.

Have you heard of the phrase, “There’s no taste like home?”

It’s true. Your mom has probably slaved hours over the stove with her sweat, blood and tears – some of it quite literal. Every time you eat, always remember that you’ll have a bit of momma in you.

 

6.         They Have Not Murdered Your Whiny Ass Through Their Delicious Home-Cooked Food.

 

Role-reversals, eh?

 

7.         Remember When You Got Piss Drunk And Vomited All Over The Carpet? Your Mom Does.

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Remember when you peed in your bed? Your mom does.

 

8.         While Special Dates Are Every Husband’s Bane, She Remembers Every Single One Of Yours.

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Well, okay. So she remembers literally everything and still holds you trying out her makeup and underwear against you. But it’s still pretty awesome that even if everyone else forgets it, she remembers your birthday.

 

9.         Remember When You Had That Breakup And She Brought You Out For An Epic Binge?

Admittedly, she probably found it as a good excuse to go out binging on ice-cream, waffles and syrup as well but hey, at least you had someone to cry/rage too after emotionally investing in that person.

And she’s probably still plotting on that person’s painful demise for having hurt you.

 

10.       You’re Not Gonna Have Another Mom.

To make up for the lack of elaboration on this point, here’s a meme dedicated to you hot mommas out there!

 

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[PLINKER]

 

 

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Kornelius

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