Non-Parents Should Speak Up About Parenting

You’d never think Prime Minister Lawrence Wong's new 𝑺𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝑺𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝑭𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑺𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕 initiative would spark any debate.

The recommendations themselves are hardly controversial: No phones during family meals, no phones in bedrooms, delay giving children smartphones. These are the same thing I and my friends do in our households.

Yet, we must complain and debate about something. Instead of focusing on the phones, 𝐧𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐳𝐞𝐧𝐬 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦𝐬𝐞𝐯𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐚𝐰𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐖𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐬 𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐭.

The simplistic reasoning is: if you do not have children, you should not be giving parenting advice.

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐦. 𝐋𝐞𝐭 𝐮𝐬 𝐛𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐚 𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐚 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝.

For centuries, children were not raised solely by parents. Grandparents, uncles, aunts, teachers, religious leaders, neighbours and community elders all played a role. Entire societies functioned on the assumption that raising children was a collective responsibility.

I’m not sure where this “Only parents may speak about parenting” idea came from. By that logic, should teachers refrain from commenting on education because they are not the child's parent?

𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐲, 𝐛𝐚𝐝 𝐚𝐝𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐚𝐝𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐚 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭.

In some cases, non-parents may actually possess broader perspectives than parents who are understandably immersed in the challenges of raising their own children.

This is particularly true when discussing issues like screen addiction.

Let’s get back to the issue at hand: the evidence linking excessive screen usage to sleep disruption, poorer concentration, mental health concerns and reduced social interaction is piling up.

Everyone knows the screen is so effective. Whip it out, tap any random thing that looks like animation and let the dumb content entertain your child. Immediately, literally immediately, a bawling child will come to complete silence and just stare at the screen. And they’re able to do this for hours.

Need to cook? Whip out screen.

Need to take a call? Whip out screen.

Tired? Whip out screen.

Doom scrolling takes root very early at a young age.

Have we learnt nothing from Plato’s Cave?

We’re turning our children into prisoners with a digital chain. Face a digital wall. The pixels are all they have ever know, and they mistake them for reality itself.

Dear child, bright colours, exaggerated reactions, instant rewards and perfectly curated entertainment, is not the reality.

𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐭: 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐟𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭. 𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧. 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.

𝐋𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐥𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐲, 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐭, 𝐫𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐧. 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.

Perhaps this is why so many parents instinctively feel uneasy even while relying on screens. They know the device works. In fact, it works almost too well.

Plato would look at our society and ask: If the child spends enough time staring at the shadows, will they still be interested in leaving the cave?

The Prime Minister might not have children, but he does have a responsibility to lead this message.

And this message, is not trivial.